It's good to feel good!

It is pretty darn strange that though we are all far apart living our own lives, hanging with our own friends, hugging our own families, chilling with our own hubby’s, I feel totally and completely connected to all of you. I mean, it’s getting WEIRD. I woke up a little giddy this morning because I knew Courtney at RWT and Kate at This Place were finding out whether they got those long-awaited, hopelessly hoped-for BFPs. I couldn’t wait to check their blogs. I checked before I even poured a mug of coffee for myself. This is major stuff!!

They got their BFPs!!!!!!

It’s also weird how it can tug at my heart when my friend talks about getting preggo like it’s nothing, but then I can feel pure, straight-up, 110% joy for my cyberspace buddies. I think it’s because we all know how  emotional and scary and stressful this whole TTC thing is. We’re in a secret club of women for whom pregnancy isn’t “no biggie” but a complicated process. Do you know what I mean? When one of us hits the jackpot, we all feel like celebrating. I don’t feel jealous. I don’t feel sad. I feel good. I feel HAPPY!

Now, all of that said, I have to be honest. After I happy-danced for Kate and Courtney, I sorta had a freak-out moment. Because lurking behind all of my joy and excitement, I felt this teenie tiny sense of fear. (Darnit, fear!) What if my body isn’t as lucky as theirs were? What if Clomid and IUI don’t work for me? What if my cyst doesn’t go away? What if, what if, what IF?

I know those are negative thoughts and I’ve already sailed them on their way in favor of more positive ones (Clomid 50mg did something for me so 100mg should be even better, I get to do IUI next month so all the big guns will be in play, most small cysts go away on their own and since I’m not producing hormones mine should, too). DEEP YOGA BREATHS!

By the time I’d showered up and gotten into work , I was thinking this: I am thankful we got two BFPs in our little family of fighters today. It brings me a rather appalling amount of joy and happiness. (What can I say? You guys rock!!!) And I am thankful because it gives me hope.   Screw you FEAR, today, hope wins!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!!

[Via http://suchagoodegg.wordpress.com]

So, I'm not pregnant...

But it’s OK. I do have a cyst on my ovary, which the doctor assures me is no big deal. I need to wait until my cyst disappears to go back on Clomid. Well, actually I may have gotten myself taken off of Clomid altogether, but that’s another story.

Through all of this I’m really starting to realize the power of positivity. It’s not always easy and there are times I’m frustrated, upset, and a bit depressed, but then I remind myself that in the larger scheme of things I am blessed in many ways and I’m only in the beginning stages of trying to conceive. There are women who’ve been trying for years and my heart goes out to them.

I don’t know what’s to come, but I do know that assuming the worst without waiting to see what unfolds will only make things much more difficult to deal with. Some of the more skeptical, negative people I know always say they are that way because of what they’ve been through in life. But I think it doesn’t need to be that way. You should always learn from the past, and of course we are affected by and will always be the wiser (and a bit biased) because of our past experiences, but in spite of that, and maybe because of that, I think it’s vital to take each situation as it comes, and try to remain positive. I know I’ve lectured on this before but sometimes I just need to repeat it to keep myself focused.

So, I vow not to get upset, to stay up beat, and to keep on trucking, no matter how long the journey. I know that will not always be the case but I can certainly try. And trying is what I’m all about these days.

A good weekend

Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween weekend. Mine was quite productive…I had a lot of WORK to do (wah wah wah), but I did get a bunch done. And I had a couple of nice runs outside. And I made it to YOGA yesterday evening! Yay! My hubs was even busier than I was this weekend, doing a bunch of work on a school project. He was up working until 3am last night, the poor guy. That made it the perfect night for him to cash in on one of the dinners I owe him.

See, for the last few years we’ve played this fun wager game every week during NFL season. We each pick which teams we think will win in all the games being played, and whoever gets more picks right, WINS! The winner gets dinner made by the loser. It is a FUN game. I love football, but I don’t follow it as well as the hubs. He knows more about players and defenses and coaches and injuries…but sometimes I still win. This is a win-win game we play because we both love to cook, but it’s nice to be cooked for every once in a while! (And it’s a fun way to follow football season.) Anyway, he did have a victory dinner coming his way, and we decided on Baked Ziti. Mmm. It’s delish. So before yoga I hit the market to get all of the fixins’, then I whipped it up when I got home from class. And, bonus, it’s a one skillet dish (you put it all together on the stovetop then switch it to the oven), so it couldn’t be much easier. I pasted the recipe below. FYI, it’s from one of my fave resources, Cook’s Illustrated.

Baked Ziti

To complete this recipe in 30 minutes, preheat your oven before assembling your ingredients. If your skillet is not ovensafe, transfer the pasta mixture into a shallow 2-quart casserole dish before sprinkling with the cheese and baking. Packaged pre-shredded mozzarella is a real time-saver here. Penne can also be used here.

Ingredients 1 tablespoon olive oil 6 garlic cloves , minced 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes 3 cups water 12 ounces ziti (3 3/4 cups) 1/2 cup heavy cream 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1/4 cup minced fresh basil leaves 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese Instructions

1. Making the Minutes Count: Measure the water and the pasta before you begin cooking. Prep the Parmesan and basil while the pasta cooks.
2. Heat Oven: Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 475 degrees.
3. Simmer Ziti: Combine oil, garlic, pepper flakes, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in 12-inch, ovensafe nonstick skillet and sauté over medium-high heat until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add crushed tomatoes, water, ziti, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Cover and cook, stirring often and adjusting heat as needed to maintain vigorous simmer, until ziti is almost tender, 15 to 18 minutes.
4. Add Cheese and Bake: Stir in cream, Parmesan, and basil. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle mozzarella evenly over ziti. Transfer skillet to oven and bake until cheese has melted and browned, about 10 minutes. Serve.

After dinner, I hit the sack. But my poor hubs was burning the midnight oil working on exams. So, we decided not to do the deed yesterday, for the first time in eight days! With all of the negative OPKs, the crazy amount of sex we’ve been having sometimes feels a little bit silly. But, luckily we  enjoy it very much, so it’s not a biggie. And this morning, my awesome, cutie-pie hubs asked if we should go ahead and sex it up for good measure. This suggestion came from a guy who was going on four hours of sleep, late to class, and pretty stressed about the day ahead of him. HE IS A GOOD, GOOD EGG!!!

And yes, in case you were wondering, the OPK had yet another faint line today. So far from that dark control line. Argh! I must say, I feel a bit like I’ve been through the ringer, and it’s only Monday! I was SO hoping that the Clomid 50mg dose would register ovulation Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Unforch, my body had other plans in mind. I’m not sure what to think about this. Part of me is like, Oh, well, this happens to some of us, the 100mg dose will do the trick. The other part of me is like, Wait just a minute! Why the heck isn’t this powerful medicine working?! Will it EVER work? I just wanna ovulate!

Anyway. I’m going to try to hit yoga again tonight, because I think I could use the Zen breathing. I don’t know about you guys, but I think about this stuff Way. Too. Much. What in the world did I think about before TTC? It consuuuumes me!