21 DPO and still no AF!

I’m so confused and fed up, I’m starting to feel really weepy and keep dreaming of pregnant people!

I don’t believe for a single second that I’m pregnant, the pains and cramps are too intense. If I were pregnant I’d be absolutely worried sick and wouldn’t be able to function. I don’t know if this is my way of dismissing the chance of pregnancy as I think the pregnancy wouldn’t last… I just don’t know, my head is mince!!

The image above is from the Pregnancy Monitor on my Fertility Friend chart, the summary “You are past your usual luteal phase. You may take a test, you may be pregnant!” is somehow offensive to me, probably only because I know I’m not pregnant. Maybe any other month I might still be very hopeful and glad of that little piece of wisdom!

I called the hospital on Monday for the results of my 7 DPO blood test and the nurse said it looked really good and confirmed I did ovulate (which wasn’t such a surprise). I told her my period still hadn’t arrived and that all 3 pregnancy tests I’d taken were negative. I’ve to call back tomorrow if I’ve still not got my period by then. Unfortunately I don’t know what she’ll suggest, just have to wait and see I suppose. I’m kinda thinking they may do a blood test to confirm BFN and then hope they will give me something to bring on AF.

I received a lovely comment from Jan in Australia this morning. You may remember her daughter had a bad reaction to the drugs in her first IVF cycle, you can read it again here “IVF risks“.

Jan did say that it’s difficult for her to watch her daughter go through this and it got me thinking about my own loved ones, namely my sister and my Mum.

I suppose I’ve not really considered how difficult it must be for loved ones to stand by helplessly and watch my journey to motherhood. I know I’d be devastated if it was my sister who had to go through what I’m going through and I’m glad it’s me and not her.

Is it best to tell them everything or not? I don’t know, I suppose I’ll need to ask them but I feel by telling them everything they aren’t worrying about things that don’t exist. I suppose you could say they are worrying about the things that are happening and I feel this is the position I’d rather be in if I were on the other side of this infertility fence.

I know this is the hormones talking and as I sit typing this I’m blinking back the tears (if the boss sees me he’ll no doubt think I’ve lost the plot) but I’d like to apologise to my loved ones, I’m sorry I’ve put them through this, I wish this was one journey we didn’t need to embark on but I’m so glad they are right there with me x

[Via http://infertilityandme.wordpress.com]

Let Clomid begin!

As today is CD 2, I took my first 50mg Clomid pill.

The horrible thing is I’ve had gastroenteritis, I was really ill on Saturday night through to Sunday morning and I’m still not feeling great. As I’ve not actually been sick since Sunday morning I figured it’d be okay to start taking the Clomid…how could I not start taking it, I honestly couldn’t wait another month!

So I’m not feeling too great, got horrible AF cramps and I’ve started taking Clomid and I’m hoping if there are any side effects they’ll wait until the gastro sickness feelings pass, but to be honest if I do get side effects I’m willing to endure them…bring it on!! )

However… DH is now sick too! I’ve been trying to work out when we should start BD and I’m hoping by then DH will feel much better, how selfish of me?

According to what I’ve read, I’m likely to OV 5-9 days after taking my last Clomid pill. So that’s at least 10 days away, plenty of time for DH to get his appetite back )

Can’t wait to get this party started!!!!

[Via http://infertilityandme.wordpress.com]

Various Things...

Hello All…and welcome to ICLWers! An introduction to who I am can be found HERE.

A few housekeeping things:

1) My back is doing much better than this time last week. I am able to walk, stand, and sit. Sitting is the worst, but I try to keep that to a minimum. There are days when it’s almost back to normal and other days when I still need to take a pain pill. However, it’s pretty decent at the moment. Thank you to all who sent healing thoughts and prayers my way….

2) Today was the first day of DH taking Clo.mid to increase his boys. He’ll be on it for six months and then we will do another SA. Let’s keep our fingers crossed!

3) We have decided to try an keep the appointment with the social worker this week. If on Tuesday afternoon we still are not where we need to be with the house, I will cancel it. So, I have two mornings to bang out our work.  Here is the current list:

1) Finish baby proofing (60) (MON) 2) Clean out fridge (40) (MON) 3) Clean out under sink  (30) (MON) 4) Finish Master Bath (20) (Sweeping) (MON) 5) Clean walls (60) (MON) 6) Organize desk (30) (MON) 7) Organize Living room (60)  Clean up dining room (30) (TUES) 9) Clean off patio (30) (TUES) 10) Sweep entrance (10) (MON) 11) Sweep/mop all wood (20) (WED) 12) Vacuum all carpets (20) (WED) 13) Straighten bedroom (30) (WED/THURS) 14) Dust all surfaces (15) (TUES) 15) Clean all blankets. (120) (ON GOING)

Beside each task is a number, that’s how long I think it will take to complete. And then I have listed the days that I need to get it done by. Wow!

4) Bunny asked how I am doing with all of this emotionally. It’s a good question. I feel really hopeful and positive about the nursery and the direction we are moving in. I originally thought that I would be having this room be a nursery for my biological child. That’s a tough pill to swallow some days…that we are still trying. However, I am very thankful to be able to help a baby/tot who really needs a safe place. In putting together the nursery, I have really come to realize that I am ready to be a parent. I am ready to take those steps. 

In some ways, I think this path is something I have been on for a while. I have always taken care of the people/animals/plants who need it the most. Em is a prime example of that. This is just an extension of those acts. 

So, what’s the big news for you this week? 

[Via http://rainingblossoms.wordpress.com]

Stef, this one is for you....

It seems like I’m not the only impatient one around here!

To save Stef over at Baby Blakely too much more angst, I’ve logged in to give you a quick update.

As of waking up this morning, my period has not arrived, although yesterday I felt sure it was just around the corner. I dutifully peed on a stick and got one lonely little line.  I ‘celebrated’ by having a cup of coffee on my way to work this morning.

I feel fine. I was honestly expecting a negative test, so much so that I had a couple of glasses of wine on Saturday night (which went straight to my head – I’m very out of practice at drinking alcohol!).

I expect to be starting my second round of Clomid on Wednesday, or Thursday at a push. I feel positive. To be honest, this part is much easier for me than the 2WW was – I almost lost my mind during that time. I just can’t handle the stagnation, the feeling of helplessness. I feel much better when I can do something proactive, even if it is only popping one tiny pill every night.

The good news is that I’m pretty sure I ovulated on only 50mg of Clomid, and I didn’t get many troubling side effects. It’s hard to complain about a result like that. I should be getting the results of my Progesterone level back today to confirm that I did ovulate.

I spoke to my Mum on the phone last night. She lives overseas. Rather, I live overseas, she lives in our native country. Next month or early March she will either be coming to visit for the weekend or I’ll go home to see her. She wants us to go through some of my baby items that she saved and select something for me to keep at home to give to our baby when it arrives. She is so excited. Isn’t this a lovely idea? Even though I’m her youngest child this will be her first grandchild.

Okay girls, I hope this update has done it’s job! I’ll let you know once I get my Progesterone level back.

Have a happy Monday!

[Via http://theimpatientoptimist.wordpress.com]